"Teen" Is a 4-Letter Word

   "Teen" is a 4-letter word.

    It means "special."

     Your teen, headed in the right direction, is a very special person. When it comes to volunteering and promoting good causes, teens are now the leaders in our society. School groups and church youth groups are accomplishing marvelous things ... because someone is encouraging them.

   Teen energy is boundless.

    While you and I are thinking about what to do, kids can be finished and dreaming up another project.

    And they can be so much fun.

    This year, when the Associated Press and MTV asked American teens to name their heroes, a whopping 66 percent chose one or both parents. Ten percent chose God, and 5 percent selected a teacher. Other "heroes" mentioned frequently were firefighters, police officers, coaches, grandparents, siblings and military members. But most teens look to parents for examples and answers.

But wait! What do teens think of themselves?

    What's sad is the average teen, and there likely is no such creature, may not think he or she is special.

    Some teens can't believe they are special because adults keep telling them they're not.

    Some adults, themselves, have such a self-esteem problem, they feel it's almost imperative to keep their kids emotionally "beat down."

    One of the most awful things a parent can say and one we hear frequently, is something like, "You're never going to amount to anything!"

    Everyone -- especially children -- needs to be encouraged, challenged, lifted up, praised as often as possible. This may not be easy for parents who themselves had no encouragement as a child.

Smart Love

     Somewhere back in the day, parents got the idea they had to be tough. The goofy term "tough love" emerged.

     If parents can forget tough, and be firm and smart, they will soon realize "smart love" works much better.

    Teens, of course, need instruction, boundaries, consistency, and discipline. But mostly they need to hear the truth -- that they are special!

     By age 13, a child has learned a great deal about life. During the six years from 13-19, he or she will learn how to be an adult. And some tough lessons are involved.

    Parents are important teachers during this period. Not the only teachers, unfortunately. The wrong teachers, the teen's peers, too young to know about adulthood, can really mess things up for a great kid. The wrong teens, or worse, older teens are not special. Because no one ever convinced them they were,

    To prevent the wrong teachers from influencing your kid, you and the teen have to communicate. A lot!

Crucial Communication

     While many teens can be pretty "tight-lipped" about the complicated issues they may try to hash out on their own, simply taking the time to ask them what's going on or "Is something bothering you?" can really help. Even if you don't have the best line of communication established, or it somehow breaks down, most teens are willing, and ready, to open up to you, particularly if they know you will help and not simply be critical.

      Listen first to what they have to say. Some things that bother a teen may not seem that important to you. Teens see everything as a tragedy waiting to happen! To them, what they are going through is almost like the "end of the world" or certainly the end of their world. To most teens, the entire world revolves around them, at least in their thought process.

     When a teen actually begins to open up, don't interrupt them!.  Hear them out. Don't butt in, regardless of how upset you might be at what they are revealing to you. Yes, they are letting you inside their small, strange teen world, so be grateful.

    And even if there is a serious problem, don't explode! Address it calmly so the teen will continue to want to communicate and, hopefully, he or she will see that communication is in their best interest.

Understanding

     No matter how bad a teen's problem may be, let them know that despite their actions, you love them unconditionally and you always will. Try putting yourself in "their shoes" and look at the situation from their vantage point.

    Without being too "preachy," explain to them that you too were once young and had some rough patches, or made poor choices yourself, but you made it through and so will they. Teens don't like being lectured. They get enough of that in school!

     Your goal is to be friendly without being their friend. You are still the parent and as the parent, you must hand down disciplinary consequences for their actions. Do your best not to blur this thin line. It will just make things more difficult for you both later on.

     Also, remember, the point here is to let them understand that you are always available to listen when they are having problems. And through your life experience you are ready to help them find solutions to those problems.

Get Help

     If your teen's particular situation is so serious you don't know how to help, don't be afraid to ask for help elsewhere. There are outstanding organizations out there ready to help. You can find just the right one by doing a topic search online to get in touch with the proper organization. Ask a pastor or youth minister. Youth ministers, and church youth groups, can be especially helpful with teen problems.

     It's important for the health and well-being of your teen to do everything in your power to help. Make sure your teen knows everything you are doing, and how hard you are trying.

     Communicate!

     The sooner your child knows how special he is, the sooner the problems become easier to handle.

     Parents, enjoy your teenager. God has blessed you with one of His most special creations.

     Encouragement works!